MoFoPolitics 101

Election Season in Alaska

Joe Miller wins the R nomination because //MURKOWSI thought "Who is this idiot? I'll beat him."

Then low and behold the gift of Joe Miller was actually from all the nutzo people who never vote for anything because they are too fat and happy living off the government's teet- as long as they don't ask me about it.

But it ended up just the opposite because there was an emotionally compelling Proposition on the ballot about abortion causing enraged hormones? Shut up. No one really knows how that happened.

Anyway, the Democrats didn't even throw a campaign because, uh, hello, the obvious MURKOWSKI.

So everyone is scratching thier heads and thinking everyone who thought they were voting for MURKOWSKI really didn't show up to vote.

Right. So now the Tea Party nods their heads, and claim a victory, and the Democrats call a meeting.

Meanwhile the Repbulicans stand stunned by the low blow. Like there was no one home. HELLO? REPUBLICANS? (whistle) (Black) We thought you were supposed to be the check to our balance.

So they all donate the money they were saving on a clearly honorable (and presumably already won) nomination. (cash register sound)

The rest gets complicated and complex and includes the likes of handcuffs, amendments and constitutions, three highly cartoonable characters in a dead heat for Alaska's next senatorial position.

Anyway, in the meantime, a Governor's race is challenging between two candidates - Droopy Sean Parnell, and a Desperate Ethan Berkowitz.

But everyone just sees Sean Parnell as a droopy puppy and Ethan Berkowitz flaming mad as hell. So who do you want?

Isn't the OBVIOUS choice Ethan Berkowitz? So will they show up? MURKOWSKI

Then, an interesting race on the Congressional Side includes incumbant: READ: HAD THE SEAT BEFORE moose killin' Don Young. Harry Crawford is the opponet- a sweet southern guy also with a bit of good ole downtown good boy spirit. He's sick of being in the minority as a Democratic State Representive. He wants go big or go home.

But everyone OBVIOUSLY knows who is going to win this race. OF COURSE Don Young is. If people show up to vote. MURKOWSKI.Somehow the next largest race comes from some houty touty hillside, streetside, southside, sometime, around all these parts right around in here and there District P for the state senate seat.

There are two ladies, both equally bitchy and menopausal. Janet Rieser on the D ticket and Cathy Weiggsel the weasel representing the Tea Party under another R cover. (slower) Stuuuuuuuuuuupid Rrr's!. (video-Man shaking fist- black and white)

Oh, yeah, and then there's Phil the guy who actually would be a fantastic choice for a Senator. He's slow, not reactive, articulate, respectful, and passionate about his opportunity. Best Choice. DZIMBINSKI (or something like that).

I see a pattern here, and all the choices seem pretty clear. Or perhaps it's not about choices, rather the lesson that is being repeated.

So anyway, the first class of MOFOPOLITICS 101 is commenced.

Downright Scary

me: are you supporting Joe Miller?

Friend: yes. he's from Kansas


me: any other reason?


f: I like that he's Christian and very conservative


me: k...


f: My parents are Republican so I'm a Republican and that's just how it is in our family

me: ok...are you voting?


f: yes


f: why all these questions?


me: just wondering... never met a Joe Miller supporter and I am intrigued by him.
I hope you look into his strategy for Alaska. Even if you aren't planning on staying, you could have a real impact to the future of our state. And...it goes a lot further than familial party politics and state alliances...with all due respect. I think the world of you.


f: Yeah you should meet him he's a really nice guy.


me: that really doesn't matter.


f: Yeah I think all my inheritance would go out the window if my grandmother found out I voted for a Democrat
ha ha
No I really like Joe Miller and he's got a tough road ahead but he will do a great job


me: I'm sorry. The devil was well liked for a while too.


f: oh well should be an interesting race. I better get some rest before tomorrow hits- good night


me: yes. sleep well.


Sleep well while I lie in bed with my heart sunken to my feet, my stomach churned into a bowling ball, my head spinning into Senate race dreams of chaos.

I'm terrified. In my own head, I have painted a picture of the Joe Miller camp carrying guns and wearing red shirts that says "I Hate Fags." I've pictured them with big families with big crosses and scriptures stuffed away in their fat wallets. I've pictured them with something just a little crazy in their eye.

But I did not picture them as the blonde haired, blue-eyed sweetheart from next door. Uh oh. This is where the Miller's and the rest of the crazy clan start to get really scary. These sweet, energetic, caring and talented people who are blindly following someone because they were nice to them. Because they were from their state? Because of their inheritance?

I immediately wanted to come through the computer and jump down her throat. “Are you crazy?!” I would insult. “Have you gone mad?!” I believe this might be a part of the Tea Party strategy: to just be as crazy as possible to gain the most media exposure, increasing name recognition and avoiding issues like renewable energy, oil and gas development, sustainable communities, homelessness, poverty, health care. You know- those things.

I'm in shock. How does one reason with ill-logic like this? My grandparents have a bumper sticker on their car that says "I'm spending my grandchildren's inheritance."

This isn't going to be an easy race to win. In fact, it just got much harder. Much, much harder. Scott McAdams and the state of Alaska need your help. Please visit his website or call the Campaign Headquarters at 907-297-2575.

I'm flabbergasted. Must. Try. To. Sleep.

Party Politics Suck

In a recent article by Bob Poe in the Alaska Dispatch, Poe shames Alaskans voters for not voting in the Alaska Senate race, leading to a Republican loss for Alaska's single senior Senator, Lisa Murkowski. To the horror of most people in the state, albeit a majority of non-voters, Joe Miller snaked himself into the race, endorsed by none other than Sarah Palin with beaucoup dollars from the National Tea Party.

And because of this, the expected democratic nominee, Scott McAdams, won the race, but not in the landscape predicted by the party. Frankly, McAdams probably didn't have a chance against Murkowski. But with crazy-town Miller pulling in and setting up shop, with all the bells and whistles and national financial backing, the seat for Alaska's next US Senator just got real freakin' interesting.

So...here we are. Sitting in the Last Frontier. Not voting. Playing the same political games we laugh at the Lower 48 for.

Poe's closing paragraph is right on:

"Only 28 percent of registered voters bothered to show up to vote in the August 24th primary elections, 72 percent did not -- you know who you are. Yep, life is busy and sometimes showing up on a specific Tuesday to vote is a hard thing, but in Alaska we can both vote early and absentee. When we don't show up we allow, in the case of the senate race less than 10 percent of the voters to decide our state's future, our futures, and most importantly, Alaska's next generation's future.

Shame on us."

While the voters (or non-voters) are the subject of Poe's article, I find it hard not to look at the candidates of all the races. Perhaps "voting" should be a stronger campaign message.

I know what political strategists and advisors are saying: "Why waste my candidates time talking about voting, when he or she could be talking about themselves?"

Well, perhaps that's the problem. Candidates are only talking about themselves. They are not talking about the people of this country who hold their nomination. They are not empowering the public to take control of their voice and vote for the betterment of the local and national community. And, to be fair, the voters are letting them.

The message should be about bringing people back to the idea that we can work within the system that we have. Look, our political process is f'd up. There are so many things wrong about the way we operate our country, it has turned off the American population. They don't understand, they don't think legislation will effect them, they don't believe they can make any sort of difference with one vote.

Maybe the two party system worked for the country that we were when it was created. But like every individual, business, corporation, and relationship, it must change with the times, grow and adapt for the betterment of the great good. Today, the party line is nothing but a way to divide people based on wedge issues. And voters who only vote on party lines are lazy and committed to keeping wedge issues as a manipulation of public emotion.

"I'm a democrat because I believe in free choice. What would your daughter do?"

"I'm a republican because I believe in the right to bear arms. If a D gets into this seat, he will take this right away."

Good Lord! Our 10% of voters sound like children on a playground.

Our nation is lazy. We are fat and lazy. We sit in our big houses with big mortgages, toys in the driveway, watching television, while our children play video games and eat Cheetos. We spend our money on plastic food, and plastic surgery, and after we eat our third or fourth meal of the day, we snuggle into our cozy California King sized beds, and drift off to a plastic dreamworld.

And when we have enough gumption to talk politics, we surround ourselves with people who think like us, and act like us. We talk about how we could do it better, or how we see the solution so clearly. We debate the "other side." We are always talking about "the other side."

I'm personally confused about who the "others" are. Blue Dogs, Tea Party, Libertarians, Democrats, Republicans, Centrists, Far Left, Far Far Right...

Aren't we all Alaskan? Aren't we all American? Aren't we all human?

In order to regain order of this country, we need to see past party politics. Abortion was passed in 1973. Does anyone else think this argument keeps America in 1973? I'm living in 2010, where we believe in each other to make decisions based on our own personal belief systems, because we live in a free country, where we send our own children to die for this freedom.

One vote does make a difference. Are we going to inspire people to vote by the party line? Or can we find it somewhere inside ourselves to elevate the conversation past the political Hollywoodicking to something that ignites a little flame of patriotism? Voting is patriotic. Voting strictly on a party line is not.

We will see more people voting in the November 4 race, and because we are victims of an outdated two-party system, each of us will have to choose between voting R or D. Will you be voting on wedge issues of the party, or will you be voting for someone who can work with the rest of the country, while moving the state toward a sustainable future? Are you voting because you want to see "your side" win, or are you voting because you want someone who can work within the system we have to get what we need. Alaska is a misunderstood state, with much to prove. It is not easy to represent Alaska in Washington. Our representatives need all the sane national support we can get. That means finding the commonalities and beginning there.

All the things we are slating to improve and correct for our country today- the big ones- health care, jobs, education, financial reform- need to be prioritized by the people we elect. And we need to elect people who can understand how to work within the political structure we have today. Sometimes this means we elect scholars with knowledge of strategy and debate. Sometimes this means electing someone who has seen what the true consequences are when Washington makes decisions based on party lines.

We've already lost Poe as an elected political official. And we've already lost one particular Joe Miller endorsing governor to fame and fortune. It's okay to make mistakes if we learn from them. Alaska deserves better.

Rats off to the Anchorage Chamber of Commerce!

“Rats off to ya! Wonderful!” that’s what I texted my friend, Jessica Duncan, as I left the Discovery Theatre tonight after the 52nd Anchorage Chamber Gold Pan Awards, an event she helped coordinate as staff of the Anchorage Chamber of Commerce. The phrase is from a ridiculous animated sitcom called Tom Goes to the Mayor, and it's a joke we have to prop each other. Anyway, I was at the debut of the re-polished and rejuvenated business community award ceremony, and it was fabulous.

A chamber of commerce does many things. They wear many community hats, and have many community faces. That doesn’t mean they are fake- not that anyone thinks they are, but because the membership is involved. A very large part of the Anchorage Chamber membership is involved, which was so apparent tonight by the class of people in the room, and the level of commitment and dedication and volunteerism they all shared.

I guess I underestimated what this event was going to be like. I dismissed it because the time had changed from Saturday night at 7pm to Thursday after work at 5pm, and the event was not a “formal dinner” as it had been in the last 50 years. The beginning was a cocktail reception at 5pm with the ceremony starting promptly at 6. I mean promptly. There was no sneaking in late, or crouching in the background. You have Jessica Moreno to thank for that. As I understand it, she was the mastermind of this evening’s beautiful ceremony, which lasted exactly one hour. Painless and entertaining, it was an awards ceremony of none other I have attended. Afterwards, guests were treated to hors d'vours and the group again networked with each other.

Megan Baldino was the MC. She was able to bump her Alaska Club work-out for the fun-loving business community, before she reported the evening news. I didn’t see any cameras there, but I thought she added a creditability and relevancy, and tradition to the night. I think many people bumped their work-out schedules for an early evening out, and the crowd looked great.

The script was elegantly written and thought out, and two podiums were placed at each end of the stage with a brightly lit burnt-orange background. The program moved smoothly along from speaker to winner to photo to speaker. The categories were delivered straight to the point and the recipients stood up in the crowd as a bio of their works and dedication was read.

Sammi Glascott welcomed the audience, nervous and contained. She's the new president of the chamber of commerce, and she looked extremely proud to have a dedicated and caring staff , the foundation this membership, who are truly amazing.


I realized tonight the genius of our chamber of commerce were the people behind the scenes of the event. The people who greet you with a smile and a warm hug or handshake. The people who play politico best, who represent 1300 diverse business interests, who aren't afraid to change what they started, and who embrace their membership. They work their asses off for the membership. For someone to be in their club.

I wonder if it stopped being cool to be part of a membership. Did it stop being fun to be around people who held similar interests and desires? I wondered why the backlash of being a part of something that legitimizes and enhances a business community, and I realized it has everything to do with the organization. It's a circular relationship- one that feeds off each other. The health of the membership is determined by the efforts of the staff and to some extent, the board. And the health of the staff and to some extend the board, is fueled by the active participation of members. The organization is only as good as the membership, which tonight left no doubt in my mind is a high class of dedicated, experienced, determined and engaged business people.

For years, I've been going to the Make it Monday forums. It was the one of the first things I did when I moved to Alaska in 2003. The chamber was my introduction to Anchorage through these lunch meetings where we prayed and said the pledge of allegiance, and had lunch with bankers and politicians, and salespeople. And it was always a nice occasion. I sat in the back and made friends with old men and they liked to tell me how the chamber of commerce "used to be" and how they "just don't know about that man on the stage." They were (and still are) dutiful and supportive.

I quickly became aware of an after hours event called Business After Hours where I got out of work early to come plan a party for business owners, board members, and salespeople where wine and beer was served free of charge and the food was catered. I stood at the front desk and greeted every person that walked in and I observed the relationships between them.

I also began to notice that this BAH crowd, was mostly not the MIMF crowd. Actually, I may not have noticed that until tonight.

Then, I discovered that I could be on a committee!!! So I signed up for things like the Citywide Cleanup, the Ambassadors, and the membership committee where I met newer people and had my first direct contact with an active board member.

Then I decided I should work there as their Membership Director. Then I decided I shouldn't.

After all this time, the chamber of commerce and I have had a love affair. Our Anchorage City Chamber is a four star rated chamber. That means it is recognized as one of the leading chambers of commerce in the United States. Even more than that, it serves as the gold standard of professionalism in business and community spirit for the entire state of Alaska.

Change being inevitable, is still very difficult. Changing a 50 year tradition of the business community takes patience, savvy, vision and guts, and this chamber of commerce did it perfectly. I know they would say it is because of the membership that this was able to come true, and to an extend they are correct. The people and membership makes this organization rich, but the staff of the Anchorage Chamber, every one of them, is an outstanding individual.

I like this event because it highlights the people in the community who do care about their impact, and they have made it a piece of their business model. I wonder if people are always nominated based on their popularity, or of their monetary support throughout the year, or because of some friendship somewhere. My conclusion is: probably. And that's okay, because those are characteristics that a business and a person must embody to be awarded a Gold Pan Award. Those suckers are huge! It's a big deal and it should be treated as such. In the end, the people who stand out are the people who care, for whatever reason it may be, they care. The level of care in this community and from the chamber of commerce membership is outstanding. Tonight, it was apparent, as all the leaders of the crowds, the BAH crowd, the MIMF crowd, The BOD crowd, the Ambassador Crowd, the Staff crowd, and all the other crowds which represent the Anchorage Chamber of Commerce, that our business community is political, active, fun, and thriving.

"Rats off" to the next 50 years, and beyond!

Social Fundraising- Anchorage Twestival. Meet. Tweet. Give.

With the emergence of social media is coming a whole new world of possibilities for making money. But this isn't just for commerce. People right here locally are raising money for organizations with the help, or sole aide of social media such as Twitter and Facebook.

If you aren't twittering or Facebooking you are missing out on a big piece of the world as we know it. What were originally dismissed forms of communication are now very real pieces to any business or person's marketing strategy.

So what is Twestival? Aside from taking a few times to let it roll of your tongue, it's a fun word to say and a fun concept. In short, it's a global idea to raise awareness and dollars for local non-profits. Cities around the world have chosen to be a part of Twestival including San Francisco, Amsterdam, Beijing and Oslo.

But WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

Using the partnerships of Amiando, Go To Meeting, Blurb, Scribble Live, Causecast, Twibbon, moo.com, Huddle, and Genius Rocket, Twestival has developed a strategy for raising money where 100% of the proceeds go toward the goal. If you have ever been involved in fundraising, you know what this means. If you haven't, you should know that organizations have to pay stiff fees for using credit card processors, online registration modems, printing and advertising that eat at a usually high percentage of the funds raised. All of these services have been provided from these partners allowing every single red cent to be counted toward the goal of each good-doer group goal.

Twestival has even enlisted in the help of Ashton Kutcher and the story has been picked up from news organizations like CNN and even rumored to be showcased by Oprah.



Twestival Anchorage is raising money in support of the Alaska Native Arts Foundation to the tune of $75,000. The events are happening September 11-13 internationally, but there are several large community events happening that weekend (including the 5th Annual Mardi Gras Street Party on 4th Ave.), so the Anchorage event happens September 15 at the newly remodeled Anchorage Museum at Rasmuson Center.



If you're still cornfused about the whole idea, take a few minutes to try it for yourself! Sign up for a Twitter account and start tweeting!!! If your opinion about social media still includes the word cumbersome, then retweet back to good ole' word of mouth. Talk to people about Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, etc and learn about what they are, how they differ from one another and how you can benefit by connecting with people virtually. And talk to people about Twestival.

With this concept comes much more than even I can understand, including a book of twestivals which will feature A-Town's very own, videos, and blogs.

I was surprised to find many Twestival videos with a simple search on YouTube.

Twestival is an encouraging sign of people caring about their community and finding new and innovative ways to engage, locally, nationally, globally. There is still much to learn and much to create when it comes to virtual tools, but it's nothing to be scared of and it's certainly nothing to dismiss. You will surely see more events like Twestival pop up in the future, and now is a great time to see what it's all about. If meeting in person is still your style, I'll see you September 15 at the Museum. Buy your tickets here, or donate online.

Growing Pains

Anchorage is going through some growing pains. It's typical when shock is induced on the community. Think about what Anchoragites and Alaskans in general have been through in the last six months. It's been a crazy ride, and it makes sense that there is an outcry of passion flooding through the political gates.

Anchorage, in particular, has been through severe leadership changes since Mark Begich left the mayor's seat and moved to the Senate. Acting Mayor Matt Claman ended up pissing most everyone off before he even had a chance to do anything good. Do you know Matt Cleman? You're not missing much (for a politician). Enter 15 candidates who believe they can run Anchorage the way it ought to be run, and a highly debated and voted election leading to a run-off election between Eric Croft (D) and Dan Sullivan (R), thus giving victory to the heir of the mayoral title for the next two years. All of this happening under the microscopic eye of the national media covering the Sarah Palin Saga, Vol.3.

Anchorage is going through shock. The state of the city's leadership has been in a questionable mold for a short intense amount of time. The people of Anchorage have gone from having an democratic, diplomatic, socially aware mayor, to a direct, no frills, businessman. No question Dan Sullivan has a different way of approaching the good of the order.

I relate it to an adult who is dealing with a child that doesn't respect or understand his or her discipline strategy. It is a completely understandable reaction for a child whose authority they do not know, to act out in behaviors that seem irrational. That's the analogy- except we're voting adults.

Our community is growing and growing is painful. I remember when I couldn't sleep at night because my legs hurt so badly from "growing pains". I can't sleep now because my growing pains concern my community. But like my legs, which have grown long, the pain and suffering of our community will create a place approachable and progressive place where we can keep growing and growing and growing.

Maybe it's appropriate to reference the Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want. You get what you need."

Maybe Anchorage is getting what we need in order to be what we want.

I Heart Bob Poe.

What? Someone was going to say it. I might as well in my secret library of musings. Bob Poe is hot. And he is going to be our next Governor.

I first met Governor-elect Poe with his wife Terzah at Bernie's Bungalow about two years ago. The couple was cool, humble, they listened to whatever nonesense anyone was throwing around and made their own simple, thoughtful contributions. They left before the parties got too big, but hung around long enough to enjoy the people and the bar. It wasn't long after this meeting, the Poe's were less seen at my favorite watering hole. I'm not sure where they went, but it was several years later when they began to peek back to the surface. And I was waiting.
When whispers started spreading that Bob Poe was running for governor I was estatic!

"Well, I know Bob Poe! We're old drinking buddies!"

It's funny how a drink and a conversation can make you feel like you know someone. I have a little bit of a hard time declaring that I know Bob Poe. I mean, I don't know him. I don't know his sign, or his birthday, or his anniversary, or what brought him to Alaska, or his pet's names- or even if he has a pet. But we shared a drink and a conversation (I think) and that's at least a start.

I went to a small gathering tonight at his house to hear about the campaign and meet the people who are driving his candidacy. A warm welcome at the gate from his wife and Kay Brown, former Democratic Party Communications Director turned Bob Poe Campaign

Manager, Alaskan reindeer sausage and snackys were for anyone to enjoy and observe and learn. Kay made a wonderful greeting to the crowd.

"We have a long ways to go, but I am working with Bob Poe because people need to trust ou

r next governor. Bob Poe is someone I can trust."

And I believe her. Bob Poe is someone I can trust too. Oh yeah, and he's hot. That doesn't hurt.

Tall and slender, reserved and humble, he took the stage.

"Whenever people talk about what we are doing differently on each side, I come to the middle and focus on our common interests."

Yes. Finally. A realist.

Bob Poe has never run for office. He told us that. He thought that might be the biggest thing opponents say against him, but it's not a handicap. We need people who know the system yet aren't tainted by it. We need people to lead our state who aren't focused on our differences, but our commonalities. I think you will see that come through on the campaign trail. He talked about his trailer, the one they take out to Alaska to "hang with the Alaskans."

Me: (once I get to know Bob Poe): "Hey Bob! What did you do this weekend?"

Bob Poe (after he gets to know me): "Ah, I just hung out with some Alaskans in a remote campsite in the middle of the Chugach."

The "I know Bob Poe" campaign is brilliant. It challenges you and me to get to know Bob Poe. Bob Poe. Our next governor invites you to know him.

"If it's not me, who? If it's not now, when?"

He quoted that tonight as his thought, but I remember Terzah posting that a LOOOOONNG time ago on Facebook, and it resonated with me then, just as it does now.

The last few nights I have come home amped with energy. The thought of Bob Poe as Governor not only gives me energy, it gives me hope.

"The last seven years this state hasn't really moved forward. We need to be moving forward."

You will hear much about Bob Poe from me. I intend to get to really know Bob Poe. Are you looking forward? Do you know Bob Poe?

KNOW BOB POE. www.bobpoe.com

Reflections on the Hillside- A Community Rally for Equality

Before I even get through the postal office parking lot, my shortcut, the lines of cars are jammed from 36th and C. The library parking lot has been long full. I hurriedly park illegally and start walking toward the action. The first thing I see is a sea of red. Stagnant, people, jarred, stuck, stiff..

I am shaking as I find the group of people I most relate to. The excitement is pulsating. It is the most exciting energy I have ever felt and my eyes are instantly welled with tears.

This country is an amazing place. There are people with signs and shirts of all colors. The DJ is mixing tunes- the first: “I Kissed a Girl”. People are honking and cheering as they pass by. The energy here is so fresh and vibrant. Rainbow colors. Flags.

Signs: I was born black. You choose to be gay. I just don’t understand the thinking. No logic. Ignorance.

People are dancing and cheering and laughing and food is growing. Communities of people; I have goosebumps.

I hope the scene happening here rivals the stanch, rigid feeling of the other side. This is the way community is supposed to be. United and community. Brings tears to my eyes. Spirit. Wow.

Clearly the underage crowd made it here. Clearly the clergy made it on the other side.

Wynonna Concert II

For Real

Six days ago I took a motorcycle ride down the turnagain Arm. I joked with others about my face being sunburnt after sitting on the deck with a nice porter beer.

That was when I hiked in the woods and there was still snow. Now, we have about three feet of snow.

Seriously, in one day we have gotten a ridculous amount of snow. In fact, it is beyond a doubt all of our winter in one day. It was raining snow. Imagine for a moment that it rained snow! The same rain you get on an Iowan day, about 1:30 or 2:00 in April. It just rains and rains, and finally the sun comes out. This was kind of like that except it NEVER STOPPED. It's like I am living in a static land. Outside, there is no clear vision!

Not only that, but without vision, my feet have lost fair balance. I am never quite sure how deep it is between the snow, sludge, and slush and the ground. Noone expected this.

Okay that is a total lie. For the last three days that is the first thing everyone has greeted me with.

"My, what beautiful weather. I hear it is going to snow on Friday," like a threat. Then we get this! WTF!?

I am not really surprised and actually find it a welcome distraction. A forced way to stay at home- A SNOW DAY!!!

I just heard from my neighbor who heard from the Internet that it was supposed to snow another 18 inches!!! OMG! I hope I have enough food!!

Close Encounters of the Moose Kind

Tonight after an excursion to Denise's home for the second time to get information about her 2006 tax return, we returned to my house, and upon getting out saw a moose munching on the tree in the front yard.

We were scared.

Ok, it was just me that was scared.

But I've heard of the stories regarding innocent bystanders and mean ass, charging moose, and ain't gonna be one of THOSE suckers.



So we stayed in the car and watched it for a moment. Nigak was on the roof and was paying close attention to the moose as well. We watch it jump on it's hind legs and munch on the high branches. Slowly, it wandered off, but kind of looked like it was hanging out in front of my door. Just to be safe, we decided to back out, go around the block and enter the alley. That is where we saw them.

Yes, two of them! One was a baby and mother aside, they just chomped away at the bushes. Denise put her brights on to see if they would react, and also so we could watch them better.

They mosey'd their way across the street, mother leading, and baby right behind. We decided to follow and watch them since they seemed to not be upset that we were hanging around for a while.

We watched as they meandered through the neighborhood, spooking just a couple cars. Luckily for everyone, there were no close encounters! The moose stopped at the corner of Medfra and 14th to dine a little more. Denise tried to get a picture of them, but it was just a little too dark. Instead, she got a picture of a cop car driving behind the moose. It's funny how large these creatures are, and how often they are dismissed or not even seen.

It was a good thing the bus saw them, though. The brakes of the bus scared the baby and both retired to the other side of the street for dessert. We warned the two passengers that exited from the bus about the duo calavanting around the neighborhood.

At the same time I wanted to warn them of the potential danger ahead, Denise got the information out much faster. "There are moose ahead!" The passers-by were grateful of our civic courtesy and moved the other side of the street to give the moose more grazing room.

It was beautiful to watch these wild animals roam around our city, as if to say, "I remember when you could see around this land for miles." I have to say it put me into another time before humanization existed and wondered how long it would be until we were standing in the midst of something no longer recognizable.

The Coolness Factor

It's an interesting thing...the coolness factor. Everyone has a level of it in themselves- only to be judged in settings requiring a level of coolness. In Alaska is where I have met some of the most chill people. It led me to ponder today: what is the coolness factor?

I believe a lot of it has to do with maturity and self confidence. I believe the rest of it has to do with personality. There are obvious levels of coolness- the way someone always makes you feel welcome, the calm and collected demeanor of others, the responsiveness of any given situation. While measuring up the people you know and the traits that make them, well, them, I think brings into perspective a person's own particular "coolness".

Is it really something worth evaluating? Probably not. But this is my blog and for some reason, I felt compelled to write a ditty on it.

What's my point? Good question. Find the balance of "cool" without going over to "icy".

The Wizard of Fairview

In recent times, I have found a bond with my neighbors. It has taken awhile, but I have eventually ventured and figured out enough about them, that I can sit back and finally shoot the shit, make a little fun and relax in my own yard. I love it, and it gives me some security about winter.



Ah, winter. I can smell it in the air. The cripness every morning, the sharp chill at night. I was stubborn tonight and refused to wear something on my feet, but by nine o'clock I had to slip inside and dig out my old boot socks. Yes, it is that time of year again. I actually feel pretty numb about it all. I am distracted by things at work, and life in general. It always seems to loose just that corner of control you think you owned.



My hood is the plot for the Wizard of Oz. I am Dorothy (naturally), I have Glenda the Good Witch that lives below me, chain smoking her nearly crippled body to death and high on pain killers, and the Bad Witch to the left of me, sucking down equal amounts of nicotine, only with a sneer of disgust for the rest of mankind.



Bernie, my landlord, is the scarecrow of the lot, Asia is the Cowerdly Lion. I have yet to decide who is the Tin Man and who is the Wizard, but this shit is getting a little tooney, if you know what I mean...



I keep thinking of the movie Serendipity. Here is the definition according to Webster's II New College Dictionary:



1. The faculty of making providential discoveries by accident. 2. The fact or occurance of such discoveries. 3. An instance of making such a discovery.



I am so eager to find this mysterious man that I am clouding my judgement!



Alas, I return to the blog. My mind has been wandering there, but it seems like I have been controlled by my technological boundaries.



(...and I just wanted to use the word alas.)

Day One

...and now it begins.

I am training for a relay race called the Klondike. Oooooh, it is exciting. I have never trained for anything physical, let alone a race. But in the past, I have been known to take off on runs, or begin a running spree.

I'm glad that little wild hair has come back to me. If you would like to know more about the Klondike race, you can follow this link, and say a prayer for me. http://www.sportyukon.com/klondikeRoadRelay/default.php

In other news, I attended my first ever PRIDE festivities going on in the fair downtown Anchorage. I have to say I was immensly amused by the bravery of said "loud and proud", prancing in underwear down 6th Ave., a solider carrying a rainbowed peace sign, and an announcer dressed in a creamy pink dress suit, complete with a feathered hat. This, my friends, is what being alive is all about.

The gay community is inspiring in a way that they are open to people who want to be whoever they think they are. I loved being a part of this event, loved seeing the reactions of children to people dressed in magnificant, metallic dresses, the shockingly raw and hilarious, political commentary in front of City Hall. I even loved seeing the fear and excitement in the eyes of people who were there to support this community by marching beside their friends.

By the time my experience was over, I was unsure about who was what, or what was who.

The level of compassion and love mixed with fun that poured into the streets of Anchorage were enough to bring a smile to my face and tears in my eyes. What a great place we live in. How awesome it is that we can march in the middle of a street in underwear, with extravagant floats, and amazing costumes to celebrate humanity, not only in our city, but also in our country.

The MC of the festival said it best: "The days of "coming out" are so far past us. We have moved into the days where we are embracing each other as human beings. Were we are being seen and respected as human beings, like all human beings should."

It rang true to me, that like everything, the community of gay has evolved into something accepting, something loving, humane, ok. Without this acknowledgement, regardless of political stance, sexual or physical orientation, preference, or fear, our entire society takes the risk of staying merely animals.

Today is a Good Day

For a couple of reasons:

1) My flight E-tickets were waiting for me this morning in my mailbox! YAY! I am finally going home! For real.

2) It's snowing outside. Yesterday it snowed very little, but it was beautiful, big flakes slowly falling and instantly melting. This morning I was delighted to find a dusting of the white stuff on my car, and it has continued to fall since.

I have a very good feeling that this winter is going to be extraordinary. I can feel it in my bones, in my gut. I think we are going to get a LOT of snow, and I resolve to play in it as much as I can. I don't think it is going to be extremely, bitterly cold this winter- which will add to the grand possibility of MORE SNOW! And I am learning how to ski, damn it. Time to buck up and truely embrace our arctic climate. HELLO WINTER- I MISSED YOU!

My State Fair is the Best State Fair

Oh, the Alaska Fair. My first experience was a grave dissapointment. For one thing, the rows of vendors was only two blocks long! Secondly, there was a Midway on each side of the fair, making one very confused about directions, and defeating the very meaning of the word. Third, the "Grandstand" was a grassy lawn, divided by disposable orange fence which was the line for the "wet" and "dry" sides. In front, the line continued to the stage where there were about 30 rows of folding chairs set up for priority seating. Mostly, though, it just isn't the Iowa State Fair.

Before I continue, I must fill you in on the Iowa State Fair. Oh, the Iowa State Fair...You can imagine for a girl who has attended the Iowa State Fair for the first, without fail, 22 years of her life, I know it like the back of my hand. I can fly over an arieal view of the ISF in my mind. I know the best places to eat, the air conditioned buildings and whats in there, where the campgrounds are, where you could get served underage, when you could expect a full reunion of Crestonites and random people from college. It is a pretty amazing time. When I think of it, I get shaky and excited. It is a pretty hard act to follow.

But sometimes the standards have to be lowered. This is the perfect example first time I attended the Alaska State Fair, I was sadly dissapointed. But after three years of the fair, I appreciate it for what it is to Alaska. The Alaska State Fair is a great fair. It is safe, and fun. It has wonderful booths of local and non-local people showcasing their winter hobbies. Some showing their products. Others educating the public on important issues or new programs at the local colleges.

It has massive vegetables. Seriously massive. We're talking 180 lb. cabbages here, 40 lb. carrots, geraniums has big as humans. Then the livestock. Nice looking animals up here. Cute. Big.

Most things in Alaska was measured on a large scale. On a smaller scale, this venue is pretty cool. Many people save all year to go to the state fair. Be it concerts from recylced artists, or food, or sales. State Fairs draw out people of all colors, sizes, shapes, attitudes, ages, and ideals. It really is a great time to assess the mixing pot of humans that make up our neighbors, friends, teenagers, teachers.

I wish I could visit the Iowa State Fair, and I highly recommend anyone to go if they are in Iowa during fair season. There is nothing like it.

I guess fairs everywhere draw a sense of community long lost in the deep dark depths of modern society. It's no other place than to relax, eat, and spend money. Everyone should attend their local state fair- if for no other reason, than just because.

Do you have a state fair memory???

Being a Cope Street Bully

Tonight's dinner was in honor of my friend's, niece, who is 13 years old. On the way to the dinner, I reflected that I no longer knew what anyone that age was like, or what they did, or what year in school they were. Indeed the last encounter with a 13 year-old was at a movie theater when I threw my bucket of popcorn over some big-mouthed kid who wouldn't shut the hell up. (Ok- while this space is a place for me to embellish my wildest dreams, that really didn't happen).

Well, niecey is a sweetie and dinner was fine. It only struck me as I was driving through my po'dunk hood why I really didn't like those 8th grade punks. Two of them (boys) were playing on the side of the road, frolicking in the bushes. As I passed them, I saw out of the corner of my eye the white punk kid wind his arm and throw something at my car.

Without thinking, I immediately slammed on the brakes and threw my Blazer into reverse, the transmission almost dropping on the ground. The fat kid just stood there calmly stroking a tree with a stick, while the other punk immediately beat it into an overgrown yard.

"Hey!" I yelled out the window. "Get the hell back here."

The kid stopped and I was pleased that he listened, turned around and slowly inched his way toward me.

"What the hell are you doing?" (When you live on Cope street, every sentence must have the word "hell" in it for anyone- even 13 year-old punks- to understand).

His reply, simply: "Nothing." (don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact)

"Why the hell did you just throw something at my vehicle?" I realize now I am actually kind of bullying the punk, and am getting concerned about where this will actually lead. For all I know his wife-beating dad and pitbull could be around the corner.

"I thought... your car looks like my friend's," he stammered.

"Oh. So you throw things at your friends?"

"Um. Yeah."

"Well, don't throw things! Jesus!"

By this time I am blocking traffic and the punk-ass boys are ready to laugh at me. Almost humiliated, I drive away. Now I am scared they are really going to sabotage my car- probably pop a tire or throw stink bombs in my window. I wish I could have been meaner- taught them a real lesson somehow-so they know not to mess with me, but even now, I feel sheepish for yelling at the kid. (As I drove away I saw him pull a red berry off the tree and throw it at my bumper.) I thought about repeating the dramatic scolding escapade, but decided better of it. What was I going to say now, "Don't do that because it is not nice?", "Please don't throw things at passing cars?"

These children don't really know "nice". Hence the reason why they were throwing frickin berries at my car in the first place. whyiotta...

I remember a scene in Tommy Boy when Julie Warner and Chris Farley are on a boat and the same bratty-type of kids start making fun of them when Warner turns sharply saying, "I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you. "

I don't know if you, the reader, can hear in her voice or see in her face the conviction to which she speaks during this scene, but I wish I had that today.

Mean People Suck

Lesson in Sales #1

You will run into bitchy, rude and unhappy people who will think all kinds of horrible things about you before they even know you, and are sure to crush any sort of confidence you have right into the ground. Unfortunatly, this is a part of doing business. Seriously, how the hell do people do business like that?

Imagine this senerio:

ME: "Hi. My name is monak and I am with the radio stations Buzz and BOB FM-"

BITCHY KIM: "What do you want?"

ME : "O-K..." Still cheerful, "NNB is teaming up with McDonald's for a great back-to-school promotion. We would like to use a play on words with a Macintosh computer. Would this be something you are interested in?"

BK: (Snippy and snotty) "I don't know. Do you have something to leave me?"

ME: (happily) "No. I am just trying to find out if you are interested." (brilliant passive-aggressive comment I didn't say... "because you don't answer the phone and your message sounds like a hormoned teenager.")

BK: (bitcher still) "Well, how am I supposed to know if you don't have anything to give me?"

ME (repeating myself): "We are just looking for a partner."

BK: "I don't have time to talk to you. I am going out the door."

ME: "Ok. Well, if you are interested, then I can bring something back for you tomorrow." (brilliant passive-aggressive comment I didn't say..."Well, I don't have time to prepare proposals for people who don't want to do business with me, either. Yes or no, please." Seriously. That is all I am asking!...)

BK: "You can just fax it."

ME: "I can just bring it by."

BK: "Faxing is easier."

ME: (still pleasant, btw) "It's no problem."

BK: (lying) "Well, whatever, but I won't be here."

ME: "Ok, well I bring it by tomorrow, then. Thank you."

Luckily for me I withheld my fountain of tears until I walked out the door. FU, lady.

Why are people so awful to each other? What gets me even more is that this rude lady actually cut me up and spit me out for asking to do business with her!? (oh, no you dent-int!) I want to know, BK, how is that business approach working for you?

Well, I am still upset about the cruelty of her ways, but I will prevail. And she will see me again. And next time, I'll be prepared with the bitch gear. No, no I won't be wearing it on the outside. No, I will wrap it inside the sweetest, nicest, most pleasant woman she has even encountered, but it will be ready to come out in full force. The rath of monak is something not to be taken lightly.

Don't worry, I'll behave myself, I always do. Maybe I can dig deep inside and find that passive-aggressive me I so try to diminish- get my kicks that way. Or, I will just begin my plight against that particular store, and recommend all my friends and anyone else who will listen not to go there if customer service is something that may be important.


monak addition:
However, I would always recommend an Apple to a PC...

Top Model

...and now, for my experience as a Top Model.

Let's start from the end. It was fabulous. For an excruciating 6 hours of impress clackety, balls of nerves, and enough estrogen to take over our current administration, it was worth every minute. Anyone who says being beautiful isn't difficult is probably not beautiful. Don't get me wrong, nothing is more important than to believe in your own beauty, whatever that may be. For some, understandably, beauty really is only skin deep.

All of my co-models were carefully groomed bombshells with craftfully sculpted legs, smooth skin, sexy shoulders, manicured hands and feet, flawless make-up, and perfect hair. But to ask them to pass the lipstick is a daunting task that seems to toss that beautiful blonde hair from one side to the other in a comically lost and distanced way, obviously confused. Let me just say: being only beautiful is difficult.

Arriving late, I made a fashionable entrance with dark hipster jeans and an ugly, khaki, blue and red plaid shirt I got from a farm sale in Iowa. This style was skillfully worn with Jesus sandals, a patent bright red purse, and a knitted and billed khaki hat. My hair was dyed the day before, a deeper dark than my original color, with a band of red on the crown and a slight streak of butter blonde in the front. This seems like a dramatic change since I just went platinum a month ago, but all for beauty, right? I don't really look like myself, even in a metro-Midwestern way, the new 'do and deeply darkened skin. This event has taken a lot preparation, even prior to today.

Something about me you probably already know: The first time people meet me, they generally don't like me. I know, how could someone not like you when they don't even know you? Good question, but it's true. Generally, this doesn't bother me because I can at least be myself- which sometimes isn't such a good idea the first meeting, either- BUT- this time, I am meeting a new society of humans, and naturally don't feel like I belong. So how do I combat this insecurity? I watch and listen.

The listening part didn't really take much. It consisted of, "Ooooh, pretty!", and "What do you think about my hair?", and "LOOK AT MY BOOBS!" . By the completion of the first hour, I pretty much had it down.

Which made conversation easy. "Thank you", and "It's beautiful!", and "Those look AWESOME!!!".

I'm sure it was probably the culmination of raw emotion, excitement mixed with fear, that made these ladies seem so simplistic. Yeah.

So- it's time to do my make-up. When I climbed into the chair I noticed the slightly sloopy eyes of my personal artist, who I promtly found out has been doing makeover for the majority of 8 hours. Noticing everyone was starting to look strikingly the same, I told her I wanted to be "different." My attitude for the entire event was, "I may not be the smallest, or the prettiest, but I want to be the best!" (Thank you SNL.) She seemed to like this motto, and so we decided to make me "different looking"- which isn't all that hard anyway.

My hair was done by this point, and the hair designer did a beautiful job transforming what little hair I now have to a 20's style finger wave. So to stay with the theme, we went light on the eyes, heavy on the liner, blush, blush, and... red lipstick! At the very end, my own nerves were amping and I picked out a feathered pair of eyelashes. "And these..." I said. "Oh, yeah, this is going to be great."

My final look was capped with luscious inch-long, thick and feathered eyelids. I honestly felt as if I could take off with these babies. They were hot (and very bird-like). I was finished and now for the show.

The "dressing" room is a curtained-off, quarter portion of a small dance floor, off the veranda where the red carpet was and people were beginning to gather. Behind the curtain is to fit 15-20 women, dressed anywhere from scantally clad, to topless, to butt-ass naked. This extreme body exposure is in the middle of failing lace, sharply pointed shoes, nipple covers, panty-hose, thongs, jewelry, and perfume. Needless to say, I stayed out of there as much as possible. All of this is also in the doorway of the supply closet where the cooks were regularly entering for more fried food or utensils, so I actually started helping them, since they weren't allowed most of the time.

FINALLY, the show begins. I am wearing an absolutely amazing dress from BCBG (I'm not sure what that means), that could resemble the vintage white gown of Marilyn Monroe. This dress is a halter, tea-stained, lace draped beauty. Anyone wearing this gown is going to be an elegant star of the evening. A high, thick black band surrounds the waist where the ribbed skirt flows about 3/4 length. This dress is accentuated by severely pointed, black patent leather shoes, 4" high. Good on me for practicing in them the day before. These may be the most damn sexy pair of shoes my feet have ever worn.

I'm in the back-half of the first line. The girls are making cutesy poises in the clown-hall mirror, which does nothing for a figure, but lots to corrupt any sort of image you may have of yourself. They are practicing their turns, and flipping their hair, blowing pretend kisses. I'm just ready for a shot, but feel myself reapplying lipstick, taking a few seductive steps myself, spinning, and desperately wishing my small breasts could produce just a little cleavage. No luck- still.

So there I walked. Onto the stage. I have no idea what was going on around me. I was zoned. The theme was 007, and it was a lot like a slowed image on film, where the sound dies out, and people are gaying laughing, and gesturing, and drinking, as if time had suddenly slowed to the pace of glue. I knew the dress was stunning and the shoes were amazing. My hair and make-up were glam. No one was looking at me. They were looking at these products and application. I was merely the automobile for these items to shine.

I didn't fall, and the MC actually commented on how difficult it was to actually perform in these shoes, which garnered another (in my opinion) well-deserved round of appaluse. Throughout the walk, 007 men were poised as stopping points where we were to stop and "do something." I supposed this was model talk, for lack of a director's ability to communicate orders. Improv is not my best color anyway... especially when "Dressed to Kill." I'd rather just keep on walking straight. Anything else at this point gets complicated.

Alas, I made it through my eight stops and back up to the stage. I only wanted to finish with the infamous MM pose, but realized my turn was over, and now it was another's to shine. I was instantly addicted to the energy, the attention. I didn't realize it until it was over. Time for round 2!

In the second round, I wore jeans very similar to the ones described earlier, a dusted olive cami and LAMB jacket (I'm not sure what that means, either). The jacket was vintage as well in the same olive color, dark, narrow stripes, eight large, metal buttons, and a belt made from the same material tied high around the waist. I needed a pair of sunglasses, the huge, 007 kind, but the lashes would have none of it. To accentuate, a pink and turquoise eclectic, double wrapped necklace hung from my neck. The outfit was walked out on a pair of snakeskin boots. I like this outfit, but wanted to put my dress back on.

I was second on this round, and was able to have a little more fun with the walk this time. No 4'inchers or lack of cleavage. This was just a groovy chick with some kind of vintage opinionated style. We stayed in our final outfits for one more round. By this time, I have had it with being beautiful. I just wanted to be myself and celebrate my cool hair and ridiculous eyelashes.

The 1st Annual SoNo Fashion Show has been completed. I made it through the grueling task of beauty with 20 other women I hardly knew. Being amongst "The Beautiful People" (as I like to call them) was an incredible experience. While I have spent most of this post making fun of the models, they did teach me a few things:

1. I am beautiful with no make-up.
2. Sex may sell, but class is remembered.
3. and eating is okay.

Unfortunately, I have no pictures of the event, yet. Hopefully, someone out there has these images of how I looked. I wish I had video to believe it really happened. If I do, I'll be sure to post.

Until then, if you see me on the street, I'd be happy to sign you an autograph, dah-ling.

No Longer a Tourist; Not Yet Alaskan

Going back to that revved up dog analogy. Perhaps this could be a personality trait?

Most of you know that Mom has made her first trip to Alaska. We have had a pretty rigorous adventure through the Last Frontier. I will also need a vacation from our vacation. Having a guest in a place as gorgeous as AK can be a learning experience. It is part of getting your sourdough license. It also reminds you in several ways why that is actually still a pretty good idea.

There were several things we have already done. The last few days have been in Homer, for two nights, and Seward last night. In Homer we tooled around the town, went to the Islands and Ocean Visitors Center, and down to the spit to look at the shops, ending with a 4:00 beer at the Salty Dawg Saloon (est. 1957) and dinner in Fritz Creek at The Homestead. See Mom and MO at the Salty Dawg here.

Since we were there Thursday and Friday, we met the massive strand of people gayly on their way onto the spit. Tourists! Everywhere! With their bewildered looks, their clumsy gazes, their slow ability to digest what is around them. As we were leaving I may have swerved into oncoming traffic to get a shot of a bald eagle literally 10 feet away. I suppose that may have sort of been a slightly touristy thing to do...

This time of year, we Alaskans see a lot of out-of-state and country plates, but for the most part the tourists drive cars with licenses just like mine. I wish they had stickers on them like in Hawaii so you know which cars are the tourists and which are locals. Maybe that could be part of the sourdough plan- you get a sticker to put on your car after you been here decades. A different color dedicated for each decade. Then the cars with the stickers actually have the authority to run non-stickered cars off the road when they act stupid. Just a theory.

So that was the drive and in Seward we caught a Fjords night tour. No, we didn't take the damn long one. Yes, I know it is way better and you get to see glaciers calving. No, I have never seen it before and yes, I'll be sure to do it next time. Do they by chance have a 21+ trip with alcohol and music? That would be spectacular.

Ok- so the kids were really cute watching for wildlife and it was amusing to hear their shrieks of delight for a possible sighting, and even more amusing to watch the adults push them out of the way with their dinky digital cameras and video recorders to catch a glimpse as well. The cruise proved itself in the end complete with otter friends, jellyfish, birds abound, sea lions doin' it, puffins and bald eagles, even porpoises and yes- EVEN A WHALE! We're not sure if we got it on film, because the battery died immediately afterwards, but I'll be sure to host a live feed ASAP. Oh yeah, and that kid is just fine.

One thing that has added to a slight bout of irritability in the last two days is the cold, hard truth that I have not yet established myself as a local. It's rough, man. The locals are treating me like one of them. A tourist. Who knew these dinky towns have tax? Umhf! The biggest tourist trick in the book and I've been falling for it all week!

After awhile, I started giving in and just acted like a tourist. Did I mention I was irritable? I didn't tip. I complained about service. I made sure to reference every piece of Alaskan history incorrectly. I budged into lines, and tapped elderly ladies out of the way. Hey being a tourist isn't so bad. It's just that I know what the smile saying "Have a nice day" really means, and as an chechako working on sourdough status, can appreciate it.

Nah, Alaskans really LOVE tourists. What other time can we relish in the astonishment of others? When else can we share the horror stories from the winter or embellish on close encounters with wildlife? When else can we show off our guns and skins to people? Tourists are FUN, ready and willing to eat up anything you want to divulge, taking great care to capture it in a photo or on film. Tourists really are a welcome entertainment to our long days, and certainly Alaskans love to share the beauty with anyone.

I'll end with the quote of the day, quite an appropriate one for becoming an Alaskan.

"Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true."

- HL Mencken