Freud

(Wo-man's Mind)

Freudian slip. Something that resonates in the subconscious (or Freud would say unconscious) and is mistakenly said out loud. This can get one in a lot of trouble, especially when you thought what you were thinking was going to be a secret for awhile. Your own understanding that what you are thinking is not yet ready to be said aloud, or in the presence of others. Whoops.

Physically, I tend to be clumsy, often tripping over my feet, stumbling across situations that I really shouldn't be involved in, walking into windows. Usually this doesn't flow into my conversations. Though I think I am usually not making sense, or am being harmfully vague, I think I may actually do okay. Until tonight.

What I said was embarrassing for me, but also for the person I was with. Someone who pointed out: "as a person with commitment issues, that was a big fopah." Really. Thanks for pointing that out to me. Like I wasn't already uncomfortable.

So, being the challenger that I so like to be, I casually say:

"So why are we uncomfortable?" (followed by a curious smile and wide, wondering eyes)

Predictably the answer was too uncomfortable to hash out. Hopefully someday- assuming this fopah wasn't a detrimental turn back in the relationship (again!?) we will be mature enough to revisit the conversation. It will go something like:

"Remember that time when we were talking about you cleaning my apartment naked? And you said, '______________________________.' That was hilarious."

It does bring to light, however, that this relationship has a far ways to go, and as much as I would like to dream about the outcome, it must be pursued in baby steps, and in the now.

Ummm... Interesting concept.