Flirts with Apps

 Instead of going to the movies and avoiding everyone I see, I can comfortably flirt from my couch. Without making eye contact, or risking an uncomfortable exchange, a foul smell, or just the vulnerability of showing up in person, acknowledging a sense of human emotion – loneliness. Or togetherness. I haven’t quite figured it out yet.

Instead of experiencing the scents and sounds and sights of our senses, we can experience exhilaration, a human connection, confidence and a touch of sustainability. We can reassure ourselves that someone, somewhere is interested in us. Even if we are merely sitting on the couch, smelling of irresponsibility and desire.

Sad News Post

This week was a tough week for me. Another death in my close circle, this time a co-worker's son committed suicide. Our office is only four people, and me and my co-worker are the only two full time. I have a lot of differences with this co-worker. In fact, my entire experience working for him and the project has been the launch to my thesis work, so far.

This was the third death in exactly one week, putting "life and things" into perspective. It's a weird place to be to grieve - an arm length away from being close enough to do something that just doesn't seem out of place by my presence. My heart hurts so badly.

Why do we do what we do? Why is this research so important? Why is getting another degree so important? What does it matter if I know the theories of communication?

Maybe none of it matters...And maybe it does.

Maybe if I know about how to reach someone who is struggling with their life, I could save them. Maybe if I showed a little more compassion and depth, someone would know that their life is worth living.

Why do people commit suicide? What other living thing does this? As humans, we have the ability to just...end it. Finale. So final.

This week has been a little difficult staying focused on just one research question. I think maybe that is a struggle for all researchers - and as you can see - certainly a struggle of mine. In an instant, the world can change and that one question that seemed so important, now feels trumped by something more...personal...meaningful...important.

I'm not giving up, just a bit deflated for this entry. 

Religion and Politics

Abortion.

IN 1973 we all know the famous Roe vs. Wade case allowed the federal government to grant permission to all females living on the land the right to proceed in an abortion.

IN 2012, we are still fighting about it.

The Conversation between Democrats and Republicans is the same. The rhetoric has not changed. Democrats say yes, Republicans say no.

I heard it once the best by Anchorage's own loud-mouthed, sharp-tongued, bitter of a mother fighting for the leftiest side, Shannyn Moore. "No one likes the idea of an abortion. We are all pro-life."

Two schools of thought:

1) Bring it up for thoughtful debate. Forty years later does the conversation warrant revisiting it? Why do we believe this is still true? What cases have happened in the last 40 years that has challenged this decision, or improved someone's life?

Our thought process/analysis has developed since 1973. What have we learned since then? How has the procedure advanced? What does Canada do?

2) Dismiss it because it is an abuse of power. (My uterus not the place for the government.)

This is a religious issue.

Religion in politics is a force between good and evil. I might be on the wrong side.

Have you ever been given advice that you take so to heart that it ends up consuming you? That the actual thing you were advised not to do is what had manifested?

Like: "Clean your dishes as you go when you cook."

Yeah.

Rats off to the Anchorage Chamber of Commerce!

“Rats off to ya! Wonderful!” that’s what I texted my friend, Jessica Duncan, as I left the Discovery Theatre tonight after the 52nd Anchorage Chamber Gold Pan Awards, an event she helped coordinate as staff of the Anchorage Chamber of Commerce. The phrase is from a ridiculous animated sitcom called Tom Goes to the Mayor, and it's a joke we have to prop each other. Anyway, I was at the debut of the re-polished and rejuvenated business community award ceremony, and it was fabulous.

A chamber of commerce does many things. They wear many community hats, and have many community faces. That doesn’t mean they are fake- not that anyone thinks they are, but because the membership is involved. A very large part of the Anchorage Chamber membership is involved, which was so apparent tonight by the class of people in the room, and the level of commitment and dedication and volunteerism they all shared.

I guess I underestimated what this event was going to be like. I dismissed it because the time had changed from Saturday night at 7pm to Thursday after work at 5pm, and the event was not a “formal dinner” as it had been in the last 50 years. The beginning was a cocktail reception at 5pm with the ceremony starting promptly at 6. I mean promptly. There was no sneaking in late, or crouching in the background. You have Jessica Moreno to thank for that. As I understand it, she was the mastermind of this evening’s beautiful ceremony, which lasted exactly one hour. Painless and entertaining, it was an awards ceremony of none other I have attended. Afterwards, guests were treated to hors d'vours and the group again networked with each other.

Megan Baldino was the MC. She was able to bump her Alaska Club work-out for the fun-loving business community, before she reported the evening news. I didn’t see any cameras there, but I thought she added a creditability and relevancy, and tradition to the night. I think many people bumped their work-out schedules for an early evening out, and the crowd looked great.

The script was elegantly written and thought out, and two podiums were placed at each end of the stage with a brightly lit burnt-orange background. The program moved smoothly along from speaker to winner to photo to speaker. The categories were delivered straight to the point and the recipients stood up in the crowd as a bio of their works and dedication was read.

Sammi Glascott welcomed the audience, nervous and contained. She's the new president of the chamber of commerce, and she looked extremely proud to have a dedicated and caring staff , the foundation this membership, who are truly amazing.


I realized tonight the genius of our chamber of commerce were the people behind the scenes of the event. The people who greet you with a smile and a warm hug or handshake. The people who play politico best, who represent 1300 diverse business interests, who aren't afraid to change what they started, and who embrace their membership. They work their asses off for the membership. For someone to be in their club.

I wonder if it stopped being cool to be part of a membership. Did it stop being fun to be around people who held similar interests and desires? I wondered why the backlash of being a part of something that legitimizes and enhances a business community, and I realized it has everything to do with the organization. It's a circular relationship- one that feeds off each other. The health of the membership is determined by the efforts of the staff and to some extent, the board. And the health of the staff and to some extend the board, is fueled by the active participation of members. The organization is only as good as the membership, which tonight left no doubt in my mind is a high class of dedicated, experienced, determined and engaged business people.

For years, I've been going to the Make it Monday forums. It was the one of the first things I did when I moved to Alaska in 2003. The chamber was my introduction to Anchorage through these lunch meetings where we prayed and said the pledge of allegiance, and had lunch with bankers and politicians, and salespeople. And it was always a nice occasion. I sat in the back and made friends with old men and they liked to tell me how the chamber of commerce "used to be" and how they "just don't know about that man on the stage." They were (and still are) dutiful and supportive.

I quickly became aware of an after hours event called Business After Hours where I got out of work early to come plan a party for business owners, board members, and salespeople where wine and beer was served free of charge and the food was catered. I stood at the front desk and greeted every person that walked in and I observed the relationships between them.

I also began to notice that this BAH crowd, was mostly not the MIMF crowd. Actually, I may not have noticed that until tonight.

Then, I discovered that I could be on a committee!!! So I signed up for things like the Citywide Cleanup, the Ambassadors, and the membership committee where I met newer people and had my first direct contact with an active board member.

Then I decided I should work there as their Membership Director. Then I decided I shouldn't.

After all this time, the chamber of commerce and I have had a love affair. Our Anchorage City Chamber is a four star rated chamber. That means it is recognized as one of the leading chambers of commerce in the United States. Even more than that, it serves as the gold standard of professionalism in business and community spirit for the entire state of Alaska.

Change being inevitable, is still very difficult. Changing a 50 year tradition of the business community takes patience, savvy, vision and guts, and this chamber of commerce did it perfectly. I know they would say it is because of the membership that this was able to come true, and to an extend they are correct. The people and membership makes this organization rich, but the staff of the Anchorage Chamber, every one of them, is an outstanding individual.

I like this event because it highlights the people in the community who do care about their impact, and they have made it a piece of their business model. I wonder if people are always nominated based on their popularity, or of their monetary support throughout the year, or because of some friendship somewhere. My conclusion is: probably. And that's okay, because those are characteristics that a business and a person must embody to be awarded a Gold Pan Award. Those suckers are huge! It's a big deal and it should be treated as such. In the end, the people who stand out are the people who care, for whatever reason it may be, they care. The level of care in this community and from the chamber of commerce membership is outstanding. Tonight, it was apparent, as all the leaders of the crowds, the BAH crowd, the MIMF crowd, The BOD crowd, the Ambassador Crowd, the Staff crowd, and all the other crowds which represent the Anchorage Chamber of Commerce, that our business community is political, active, fun, and thriving.

"Rats off" to the next 50 years, and beyond!

The Voice

There is a time in every person's life when they find their voice. They hear themselves and like it or not, they understand the solid truths that make up their core being.

It's an interesting process, this finding of voice. It's something that during a busy day, surrounded by smart, vibrant people with bright ideas and influence can get swept into their thoughts. It's easy for one to listen to the news and read the paper and contemplate what the words actually mean, and what the story is actually about. It takes time and thought to find the voice, the one, unique, vibration of sound.

But that's not the end of it.

There hopefully isn't an end.

Because once a person finds their voice. Once they can sit alone, in silence, without distractions and without influences, and open their hearts, they hear their own voice. Small at first, like a weakness in the dark, far away.

Like a small child at the end of a muddy tunnel, scared and cold, but alive and thankful. The child walks toward you, and as he becomes more familiar with the sounds of the distant drips, the damp smell of vegetative waste rotting beneath his feet, he becomes aware and comfortable with the environment. Once he walks into the light, you see it is but a small man with a deep, strong voice, filled with character.

It makes sense, then, when the darkness melts away, that what's left behind is a stronger image of self, and a stronger will of desire to find the voice to make a difference.

Reflections on the Hillside- A Community Rally for Equality

Before I even get through the postal office parking lot, my shortcut, the lines of cars are jammed from 36th and C. The library parking lot has been long full. I hurriedly park illegally and start walking toward the action. The first thing I see is a sea of red. Stagnant, people, jarred, stuck, stiff..

I am shaking as I find the group of people I most relate to. The excitement is pulsating. It is the most exciting energy I have ever felt and my eyes are instantly welled with tears.

This country is an amazing place. There are people with signs and shirts of all colors. The DJ is mixing tunes- the first: “I Kissed a Girl”. People are honking and cheering as they pass by. The energy here is so fresh and vibrant. Rainbow colors. Flags.

Signs: I was born black. You choose to be gay. I just don’t understand the thinking. No logic. Ignorance.

People are dancing and cheering and laughing and food is growing. Communities of people; I have goosebumps.

I hope the scene happening here rivals the stanch, rigid feeling of the other side. This is the way community is supposed to be. United and community. Brings tears to my eyes. Spirit. Wow.

Clearly the underage crowd made it here. Clearly the clergy made it on the other side.

INTERLUDE

I LIVE IN ANCHORAGE ALASKA IN THE YEAR OF 2008. THIS TIME IS AMAZING. IT IS LIKE WE ARE SEEING REVOLUTION COMING. I HOPE THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID REVELATION. THERE CERTAINLY ARE A LOT OF QUESTIONS AMONG US. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS CHANGING AT THE SAME TIME, IT SEEMS AS IF WE AS HUMANS ARE GOING TO SELF DESTRUCT. PROBABLY BETTER SOONER RATHER THAN LATER.
THE FIRST BLACK AMERICAN HAS BEEN CHOSEN PRESIDENT: BARACK OBAMA. IT WAS A MERCILESS CAMPAIGN, AND IT WAS A WONDERFUL ONE. BOTH CANDIDATES CONTINUED ON IN THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE AS CHAMPS. THE WORLD WATCHED AND SUPPORTED IN RECORD BREAKING NUMBERS, AND THE AMERICAN SPIRIT IS SAID TO HAVE BEEN IGNITED. NOW, AFTER THE ELECTION, HATE CRIMES AGAINST BLACKS HAVE RISEN ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, AND RUMORS AND JOKES ABOUT THE PRESIDENT’S ASSISINATION ARE BEING WHISPERED. WELL, THAT VERY WELL COULD JUST BE HERE, SINCE THE ALASKANS AREN’T TOO HAPPY ABOUT MS. PALIN LOOSING THE VICE-PRESIDENTIAL TICKET WITH SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN. ALASKAN POLITICS ARE FUCKED UP.
THE STATE ALMOST VOTED IN SENATOR TED STEVENS AFTER HE WAS INDICTED AND CONVICTED OF FRAUD. THE ELECTION HAS JUST BEEN DECIDED TONIGHT, FIFTEEN DAYS AFTER THE NATIONAL ELECTION OCCURRED. EVERY VOTE HAS BEEN COUNTED FROM EVERY CORNER OF THE STATE AND THE WORLD. AT LEAST ALL THAT MATTER.
IT WASN’T ALL VICTORY, HOWEVER, AS DON YOUNG STILL WON THE SEAT FOR CONGRESS, AND HE TOO HAS BEEN IN A LITTLE TROUBLE HIMSELF. DID I MENTION ALASKAN POLITICS ARE FUCKED UP?
WELL, IT’S COMPLICATED. AND IF YOU LIVE HERE YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR OWN REASONS WHY, AND WE REALLY DON’T WANT TO GET INTO THAT, NOW DO WE?
I ENOYED THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE VERY MUCH, ESPECIALLY ON MY NEW CLICK CLACK COUCH AND 32’ TELEVISION SCREEN. IT’S PRETTY AMAZING ON HD- I GUESS THAT IS ONLY GOING TO WORK UNTIL FEBRUARY 16 THOUGH WHEN THE GOVERNMENT SWITCHES ITS COMMUNICATION CHANNEL OR SOMETHING. ALL I KNOW IS I HAVE TO GET CABLE IF I AM GOING TO PLAN ON SLUMMING IT FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS. FUCK. HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO THAT?
WELL, AT LEAST I’VE GOT LIFESIZED OPRAH.

Crecendo

In the rising of the Sun, Trees begin to tilt upward. Rivers begin to drip. The heads of people begin to turn toward Light.



Like a Savior rising from Dead. Like sudden Hope on the edge of Despair. Everything awoke, slowly, achingly, showing inside, growing outside.



Slowness is inbred into All, and collectively All begins to bloom. Waking up from a long afternoon nap, Drunkenness looms, and Soon Enough eases off to the pedal of Speed. Faster and faster Life awakes. In the uncovering of One, lies the discovery of Another. With Motivation all around, They explode at once, Pollen flies, Wind taking it whole and letting it spread.



Life springs everywhere. It starts as a quiet hum, and brings Things almost to a pause. Is It there? Once confirmed is exaggerated.



Suddenly, the Best is excessive. The Noise is deafening. Chaos ensues, ruptures and melts until Nothing can be distinguished.



Resources exhausted, Oxygen begins to slow. It's difficult to breathe and All collectively sigh, deciding to die again for months, together.



Stagnant, the Earth remains. Quiet without Energy. Only with Grey and Solemn. Relived and Tired.



When the final rest is achieved, Eye opens, searching for Light and finally finding it. Determined to bring Life to All.

The Coolness Factor

It's an interesting thing...the coolness factor. Everyone has a level of it in themselves- only to be judged in settings requiring a level of coolness. In Alaska is where I have met some of the most chill people. It led me to ponder today: what is the coolness factor?

I believe a lot of it has to do with maturity and self confidence. I believe the rest of it has to do with personality. There are obvious levels of coolness- the way someone always makes you feel welcome, the calm and collected demeanor of others, the responsiveness of any given situation. While measuring up the people you know and the traits that make them, well, them, I think brings into perspective a person's own particular "coolness".

Is it really something worth evaluating? Probably not. But this is my blog and for some reason, I felt compelled to write a ditty on it.

What's my point? Good question. Find the balance of "cool" without going over to "icy".

California is Burning

Isn't that one of the signs in Revelations?

Got the Revolution?

There's something happening here. Things are changing. They are changing in the way I have thought they would. It's very encouraging.

There is something people are getting. We are no longer making excuses for ourselves. We are generally not finding the government a reliable avenue to help with our social problems. We are learning they would rather play war.

But instead of retaliating, instead of creating another huge backlash, wasting time and energy on people who have a deaf ear, things are starting to change.

The way people are communicating is changing. The talk of vision is changing. Advertising, recognition, appreciation, it is all changing. I hope in ten years from now we will look back on the direction this world was going and feel proud that we were a part of a change in that direction.

Of course I have people rolling their eyes at me, criticizing me for having such a vision, but I could care less. They have already lost their battle. It is no longer their turn. It is ours. It is mine.

A revolution is coming. It will not be the revolution of the 60's, but it will entail dramatic change in the way we operate as human beings with each other. It will change the quality and value we place on our lives and on the lives of our children, and it will drive an incredible amount of satisfaction to all, not in money or power, but through love.

...and that's all...

sometimes, some situations draw you to the conclusion that : that is all there is. And so it goes on.

Because that is only what one can do when they have come to the conclusion that that is all there is.

But in reality, that is only the beginning to much, much more.

So how is it that each person transitions into these 'conclusions'? They laugh, they cry, they beg, they plead, they isolate, they elaborate, they gain, they lose.

There are times when life is more of a drawn piece of paper than a well mapped up plan. And every situation become the end all of only that situation...and then there is another one that will eventually end up the same way as well.

How many levels in life can you relate to this theory?

Game Called Life

What a rollercoaster life we lead. One full of ups and downs, turns, and diversions, near hits and misses. It is not one of contentment and joy. But one that finds these in the subtle parts of everyday living.

...And what would this life be if it was not for that? Without these deep peaks and valleys, our heart and minds would be subject to contentment without persuasion, without the drive that forces us to make every situation better. Without these challenges in life, we would be drained of humanity and of love for better things.

This is a crazy place we live. In physical bodies that compound our souls to society, our minds to the masses. This life is a precious curse I believe we end by learning the rules of the game.

The Game.

An event, if you will, of no particular order or regulation, but one that people innately know and choose to abide or rebel and live with the consequences of the present society and realm of human thought and action.

Where are you in the Game of Life?

Outside Inside

Outside, a cave of disillusion,
A spirit yearning to share,
A piece of itself no one has ever known
The owner cannot explain

The depths of it’s creation
The place where it is bred,
A magical place,
With white horses and castles
And flowers made of pastels

To this place so sacred,
I want to show you me,
But I cannot get through the thorns
That keep you from within my grasp
Still under a spell of longing for something more.

Dating at 25

dating at 25 can be an overwhelming and incredibly fucked up experience. with a few little tips from someone who knows nothing except for how to be 25, I hope you will at least find humor in the trials and tribulations of dating, no matter what age, and hopefully realize the plethora of women who are still seeking for just Someone- not just "The One".

The first thing you have to do is discover what you want in a man.

Phyiscally, for example: How old? What color? How tall? With or without hair? may be a few questions you want to ponder. Emotionally is he: Mature? Aware? Content? and Mentally is he: Competent? Affluent? Educated?

Secondly you must consider his level of courteously: Does he open doors? Call you mother ma'am? Speak highly of your friends? Make you dinner?

Next component is extracurricular: Is he active? Does he have hobbies? Do you share these hobbies (or at least find them interesting)?

All of these questions can be answered "yes" or "no" depending on what you prefer to have a someone who shares the most intimate part of your life.

It goes without saying that there are many men who will actually fit the mold for what you are looking for and absolutely be the worst possible match you could make. So it goes. Keep moving. Life is a short ride, albeit, bumpy, with potholes, and slick spots, but it is the ride that makes everything worth it.

I like using the road analogy to relate to life. It's simple, but makes so much sense. Every time you get into your car and drive away from your home, you enter onto a road filled with the same and very different people and suddenly everyone is on the same playing ground. Sometimes you have a choice in the direction you want to drive. Sometimes, it is the only way to get to where you are aiming to go. But along the way are many other routes. Exit ramps to deter you from the route you planned on. And once you decide to exit a route, there awaits twenty other roads that also look compelling for you to accomplish what it is you were setting out to do in the first place. Or compelling enough to forget about whatever it was you were setting out to accomplish and accomplish something different instead.

Whatever road we end up taking, it is for a reason. What is it? you may ask. Ah, but only we can determine that. Or resolve not to determine it and just let it happen. That is the difference between getting somewhere you want to go and letting the road lead you to where you should be.

Hopefully, somewhere you find along the way someone who is also going in the same direction.

A White Girl's Slam

After reading this, a peculiar question comes to mind:
Was it always like this,
or have we left humanity behind?

Today, I can read an article
written three hours ago
about an incident
three hours by flight.

Before technology,
someone like me would never know
that anyone was shot
at the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle.
Unless, I suppose, they were related to me.

So the first gun was created
in Century 17th.
Before that, no one could walk into a small area
and blow up a radius of people.
At best, you'd need all your friends
to do that.

SLAM

Sha-bam!
May the force be with you,
and you and you and you.

Tonight was a poetry slam
I love the intensity of the show, how it goes
from being your friend ... to being your hoe

SLAM! THAT is what it is all about
Attitude, Gratitude
Justitude, and
Guts

Tonight our stars were:
Ashley, Tara and Ryan
They don't look like any of those
But a large, black god, a large, smart mouth, and Eminem

These were people who stood in front of an audience
anxiously awaiting their presentation
the thirst that exists can only be for the actualization
of the emotion of the audience

What does it is the rolling words
the stops... the phrases
the performance the stances
and the best part, the SLAM at the end

No racial slurs, or bad words this was slam
meant for all ages done without those words
I'm researching the art, cause this white girls got
attitude, gratitude, justitude, guts

On paper is one thing, in person another
this SLAM may be weak
but be easy it's my first time,
I'll get it soon, and get it good for all of you
to see what I can do.

Tug of War = Tug of Life

Tug of war or tug o' war, also known as rope pulling, is a sport that directly pits two teams against each other in a test of strength.

Two teams of eight, whose total mass must not exceed a maximum weight determined for the class, align themselves at the end of a rope(approximately 10 centimetres in circumference). The rope is marked with a "centre line" and two markings four metres either side of the centre line. The teams start with the rope's centre line directly above a line marked on the ground, and once the contest (the "pull") has commenced, attempt to pull the other team such that the marking on the rope closest to their opponent crosses the centre line, or the opponents commit a foul (such as a team member sitting or falling down).

Both men and women participate.

By the self- declared power invested in me, I now document a new game with the same rules called "Tug of Life". Where in theory, each end of the rope is stacked
with the equal amount of physical weight, in reality it is easy for one
side to fall short in terms of intangibles.

What remains to be seen is if one can still overcome the other in a "Tug of Life" purely with weight, or purely with character.

To examine further, I can use this simple analogy: While with any team sport, having an all-star player (in this case a very physically strong person) can enhance the visibility, and even the chances of success for the team, it is still usually not achieved without help from the other team members. Likewise, the age-old underdog story of "you're as good as the weakest link" can illustrate that a group of people who are not individually as strong as the former, can collectively be stronger in the end, and more successful.

What the hell am I talking about?

I guess if you turn each end of a rope into a scale that weighs personality to experience, to determination, to outlook, to passion, to anything that matters, a little of each adds up to more than a lot of just one of something important.

Nightblogging

Under the blanket of darkness
through the hum of the machine
mesmerized by the glow
she writes

words transcending onto the screen
letters forming thoughts jumbled inside her head
she finds comfort in the friendship bestowed by the computer
a safe place to download her thoughts

funny and sweet
sad and insightful
playful and witty
curious and dumb
she writes

under the dim of the sun
in the far north alaskan sky
what lies within her can be communicated
through the words she writes