This week was a tough week for me. Another death in my close circle, this time a co-worker's son committed suicide. Our office is only four people, and me and my co-worker are the only two full time. I have a lot of differences with this co-worker. In fact, my entire experience working for him and the project has been the launch to my thesis work, so far.
This was the third death in exactly one week, putting "life and things" into perspective. It's a weird place to be to grieve - an arm length away from being close enough to do something that just doesn't seem out of place by my presence. My heart hurts so badly.
Why do we do what we do? Why is this research so important? Why is getting another degree so important? What does it matter if I know the theories of communication?
Maybe none of it matters...And maybe it does.
Maybe if I know about how to reach someone who is struggling with their life, I could save them. Maybe if I showed a little more compassion and depth, someone would know that their life is worth living.
Why do people commit suicide? What other living thing does this? As humans, we have the ability to just...end it. Finale. So final.
This week has been a little difficult staying focused on just one research question. I think maybe that is a struggle for all researchers - and as you can see - certainly a struggle of mine. In an instant, the world can change and that one question that seemed so important, now feels trumped by something more...personal...meaningful...important.
I'm not giving up, just a bit deflated for this entry.
This was the third death in exactly one week, putting "life and things" into perspective. It's a weird place to be to grieve - an arm length away from being close enough to do something that just doesn't seem out of place by my presence. My heart hurts so badly.
Why do we do what we do? Why is this research so important? Why is getting another degree so important? What does it matter if I know the theories of communication?
Maybe none of it matters...And maybe it does.
Maybe if I know about how to reach someone who is struggling with their life, I could save them. Maybe if I showed a little more compassion and depth, someone would know that their life is worth living.
Why do people commit suicide? What other living thing does this? As humans, we have the ability to just...end it. Finale. So final.
This week has been a little difficult staying focused on just one research question. I think maybe that is a struggle for all researchers - and as you can see - certainly a struggle of mine. In an instant, the world can change and that one question that seemed so important, now feels trumped by something more...personal...meaningful...important.
I'm not giving up, just a bit deflated for this entry.
2 comments:
Death is tough. Suicides almost feel even tougher. No matter whether one is close to the person who committed suicide or not so close to them, it hits a person at their core. I mean, knowing and understanding the finality of death. And then realizing how incredibly young the person is, its a tough thing to understand. However, the most important thing is to know that there are people who are around you who support you. Hang in there.
Mindy, I am so sorry to hear this. It sounds like you are trying to make sense of death, which we have been trying to do since the origins of man.
When my grandmother died, someone recommended this book: http://www.amazon.com/Being-Dying-Cultivating-Compassion-Fearlessness/dp/1590307186/ref=sr_1_17?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1457232082&sr=1-17&keywords=death
I found it comforting...
Post a Comment