Our Electronic Society

Today I received a phone call from a number that had been trying to reach me at all hours of the day and weekend. I finally answered, knowing it was a debt collector.

This is how the phone call went:

(An automated man's voice): "This call is for ________ L. On-Eeel. If you are ____________ L. On-Eel, please dial one. If this is not ____________ L. On-Eeel, please press two."

"I guess that means me. I'll give it to them- I guess it was close, but that is not my last name..." (one)

"Please hold while your call is being transferred."

"Thank you for calling Citicard. We look forward to serving you. Please hold."

Ok- let me take a break here. There are few things that irk me about calls like these. Firstly, I didn't call YOU. YOU put my number in your automated rigamaroo for some song and dance about my Home Depot bill, all the while insulting me with a butchering of my last name, and an assumption that I called YOU for this kind of ludicrous abuse. Secondly, if anyone has the hopes of collecting a debt over the phone, they shouldn't be so courteous with their time. You (reader) probably don't get lots of debt collector phone calls, but if you did, you would not be happy with your day being interrupted by an automated voice man, AND THEN, you have to wait on the line while some over-modulated symphony elevator music blares in your ear. No one likes that music. Even people who like symphony or elevator music don't like that music. Don't you think they could match a largely agreed upon musical taste for customers waiting on the phone based on their general demographic? Or maybe before they leave you hanging on to hear what the recent damage is, they could give you the courteousy to choose your own music.

"For Nelly, please press one...

For George Strait, please press two...

For Micheal Buble, please press three...

For AC/DC, press four...

For all other music, press five..."

Ok- so back to the call.

I stay on the line against my better judgement to hang up the phone in utter annoyance. "Bill me!"

Finally a woman with a strong southern accent answers the phone. Before I can even inquire as to what this ridiculous monstrosity of dysfunctional business is all about, I am quizzed.

"Last four digits of your social security number?"
"First and Last name?"
"Please confirm your current mailing address..."
"State and ZIP code?" Dammit, woman! If you would have dialed the phone yourself you would know what state and city I am in!

But I hold back from sudden outbursts like that. I refrain to passive aggressive tones in my voice. However, inside my head, I am thinking: "My Home Depot bill is SO not overdue! It is on automatic payment! Who the hell is this anyway?" I wish I could ask her a few questions to arm myself from identity fraud.

"Could you please confirm your nationality?"
"And how long have you worked for this firm?"
"Where are you right now? At home? At an office?"
"What are you getting paid and how? Cash, drugs, sex?"
"Do you have an employee number I can reference?"

It would be so easy to call someone up and act all credit collector-like. And get away with it. Before I hung up the phone she knew everything she could about my credit card, my address, and my personal information. I will probably be robbed by tomorrow morning.

The whole ordeal just got me thinking about how impersonal we are with everything we do these days. When did the days go away when people called up and asked about your livelihood? Engaged in a little small talk before they rummaged through your wallet?

The moral of the story is to pay your bills, I guess.

Disclaimer: I don't recieve credit collector calls often. They just miss me. They just need to call and check up. Mostly on my payment. But seriously, it doesn't happen (all that) often...